ode to lovely

i've moved on

I suck at moving on. I linger, and hold tight, and I find reasons to not let go. 

This is especially true with friendships. I become really emotionally attached to people. And to memories with these people. And if you were once a special person in my life, there is a 99% chance that I still love you very much. Even if you hurt me.

But I'm working on learning to let go and learning to cut my losses. This is my year to learn to let go.

I was texting with someone from my past yesterday. Someone who hurt me so deeply. And over and over again. But when I love you, I really fucking love you. And I am pretty good at forgiving people, especially people who tend to not deserve it. So even though this person has stepped on me several times, I always came crawling back. I always believed there was more good than bad, and I hoped for the best.

That was, until yesterday. 

As we were chatting on WhatsApp, and in the middle of the chat, and out of the clear blue sky, I wrote: I have moved on from this and I can't pretend that we're fine when we're not. True friendship does not exist between us anymore. Its best if we don't contact one another anymore.

I'm starting to realize that moving on is actually a good thing. It sheds the bad and makes room for the good. It allows other people, and other memories, to fill the holes in your heart that others have caused. It allows for fresh starts, new faces, and endless possibilities. 

back home and unemployed and happy

I just arrived back home in the DC area after a once in a lifetime trip with my sister around SE Asia. We started in HCM, then moved on to Krabi and Ko Phi Phi in Thailand, and ended with two lovely days in Singapore. Here are a few of my favorite pictures:

After this trip with Erika, I made an impromptu trip on the west coast where I continued my month long vacation. I went to Vegas for the first time, and although I wasn't impressed with Vegas itself, I did have the most amazing time reconnecting with my German boy. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect way to end my vacation. 

Now, I'm back home and unemployed. And I could care less. I mean, yes, I could use a job, and money to pay my bills, but for now, unemployment is just fine. I will eventually make up all the money I spent on my travels. And I will eventually become a normal member of society again. For now, all I can do is work my butt off to find a job and in the meantime continue to take advantage of this gift of time that I've been given. Once I find a job, it will honeslty be GAME OVER. No more random trips. No more 1 month holidays in Asia. No more jumping on planes to see boys across the world. So even though my savings account has practically been depleted, I am still going to take advantage of the free time I have left. I plan to use my time wisely by allotting ample time to job searching, but then using my "extra" time to study for the HSK Chinese test, exercising, scrapbooking (i can't even begin to express how much I missed paper + glue), and maybe studying a little German on the side. If I can learn Chinese, I can probably learn German, right? :)