ode to lovely

neither here nor there

That has been my phrase of the week. 

Mostly because it feels like I'm neither hot, nor cold. Neither happy, nor sad. Neither this, nor that. Just floating. Floating through the days, following the steps, working 9-5, suffering through DC's horrible commutes, and feeling absolutely nothing. Nothing to make me feel overly happy, nor pissed off either. Just numb to the world around me. 

The only moment of happiness this week came while watching Spain win their game against Portugal yesterday. Man, soccer really does provide a lot of excitement and watching big games like that brings me back to some happy memories of watching the World Cup two years ago in Taiwan. The games aired around 2-3am Taiwan time but that never phased us. We were young, happy, carefree, and with zero responsibilities. I remember scooting around town at 6am after the games were done, elated from the highs that watching your team win can bring. I remember watching the sun come up, holding on tight on the back of a scooter, and feeling like I could hold on forever. Those memories, that came flooding into my mind after yesterdays game, made me remember yet again that I was obviously a lot happier then, than I am now.

I would kill to be on the back of that scooter again. 

oh dc, you tricky place

Oh DC. I love you. And yet sometimes I hate you too. It's not really hate, more like, I know you could offer me so much more but I don't have the resources to truly enjoy you, therefore, I feel shitty and in turn, it makes me hate you. Does that even make sense? 

I feel like I'm living here, but I'm not truly present. I'm not able to enjoy this city for what it has to offer and its starting to really frustrate me. I just wish I could afford to live in the city. Well, let me rephrase. Technically, I can afford to live here. But, it would mean not having a savings account and well, at that rate, I'd never be able to accumulate the necessary resources to do all the other amazing things I want to do, like travel the world, and buy an apartment, start a company, and then retire before the age of 50.

And now, as I make tentative plans which may include a change of location, I'm wondering if I'll ever get the chance to truly live here, like I've always wanted to. And I wonder if doing that would make things better. I'm so curious/excited/nervous/scared to see where my life will take me in the next few months. Will I finally make DC my real home? Or will I just be the wandering nomad I am and leave this place behind? Time will tell.  

work/no-life balance

I've been having a hard time with work lately.

I'm a big believer in healthy work-life balance.  However, right now my life revolves around work. Even when I'm at home and away from the office, my mind spins circles around work to-do lists. I've been losing sleep and I don't like it. This crazy lifestyle change has really made me realize more than ever that I need to have a job that allows me to have a decent work-life balance. And if not, then they need to compensate with a nice fat paycheck. And because right now I work ridiculous long hours and get paid like a freaking 22 year old intern, I'm honestly finding it hard to maintain the motivation to keep moving forward. Unfortunately, I have no choice but to keep on trekking and just continue dealing with this new life of mine. Here's hoping that working my ass off will pay off soon. 

if money were no object

I woke up thinking about this today. If money were no object then I'd:

• Fly to Taiwan on a moment's notice to experience pure joy
• Buy myself that expensive watch I've always wanted
• Buy the tanzanite ring I fell in love with in Puerto Rico
• Fly to Italy to see good friend Claudia and her adorable family
• Fly to Germany to have a coffee and long talks with Toby
• Fly to Poland to talk about boys and life with Karolina
• Fly to Shanghai to talk about careers and big decisions with Jas
• Fly to Cali to talk about life in the US after Taiwan with Ethan
• Fly to Colorado to laugh uncontrollably with Maggi
• Hire a personal trainer to kick my ass into shape
• Work, for the pleasure of it, and not because of necessity.