hesitation

A few months ago, my friend Toby asked for the link to my blog. And then my friend Jonathan asked too. And then a few others followed.

I gave it to them, but each time, I hesitated a bit. I always hesitate when people want to read my piece of internet space. 

I never know exactly why the hesitation exists. I have nothing to hide. Actually, on the contrary, I have a lot to say and I don't mind who listens. 

But sometimes, I also feel reluctant to write about certain topics on here. Most days, I wish I could say so much more. I wish I could be an open book and just say everything I experience and feel. 

But there's a big problem with that. There's always room for misinterpretation. And people judge. And people pretend to understand me and my life when they really don't at all. We are all guilty of doing this. We think that because we read someones life on a blog that we know them, as if we knew them in real life. And as much as I don't mind putting myself out there, sometimes it's still hard to swallow the fear that exists in being improperly judged. 

I don't know why I'm saying this today. I think it stems from recent strong feelings and fears about my life, my future, career, marriage, babies, where to live, etc. I always want to talk about them, but I only do so often.

But just now, I stumbled across another woman's blog post that made me cry. It wasn't a whimper, or the shedding of a single tear, but straight-up, full-out crying. And you know what...I love when that happens! Call me crazy but I am always so thankful when I read someones words that touch me, that inspire me, and that makes me look way deep inside myself to reanalyze. 

So, today I am thankful for blogs, for words, for thoughts, and for those are not scared to share their adventures with the internet world. If others can write without fear, then maybe I can too.