ode to lovely

the butterfly effect

The other day I realized I had a lot of butterflies cut out from a previous project, so I started laying them out to see what I could create with them. First, I created the heart and really loved how it looked. But it didn't feel complete, so I decided to add the peace sign. And now I think it's perfect!

The truth is, my heart isn't at peace. It's slightly broken from a lot of tough decisions I've had to make in the last few years. It's still mending and I have yet to find the tranquility and peace that I so desperately seek.

So this heart is a reminder that I will find peace one day. That it's hopefully around the corner. And that when we find peace in our heart, we can fly freely to new horizons. My favorite part of this project is that I punched a butterfly from the chinese word 安排, which means to plan. Planning to find peace, planning to move on, planning to take flight.

works in progress

I have several complaints about our new house, but I do love how it's HUGE compared to my old place. The water temperature in the shower fluctuates every time I blink, the floors are scuffed and stained and impossible to clean, and the walls are so thin that they look like they will fall over any minute...But the good news is: I have space to be creative! I have a huge table where I can spread out my artsy supplies. So now, I start most of my mornings with a open-faced peanut butter and jelly sandwich. the sounds of CNN in the background, and my scrappy supplies sprawled out in front of me. I love waking up every morning, alone with my thoughts, with the urge to create, and the stillness of my house. It's magical!

The layouts above are all works in progress. Most of them are done, minus the journaling.  I'm trying so hard to use up my scrapbooking supplies. So I'm digging out old supplies, like buttons, ribbon, scalloped edges, labels galore, and old school papers, and I'm trying to make it work. I want to use them up so that the next time I move, I won't have to move as much as I did two weeks ago. Good plan, right? I rather move completed albums instead of boxes and tupperwares full of random scraps.

I'll post the finished pages in my Made In Taiwan album---->. It's Friday and Monday is another holiday. I have to be super productive because I leave for Vietnam on Tuesday and I have LOTS of job hunting to do before then.

another story - the one where i died from embarrassment

The other day, I was asked by a friend if I was interested in modeling in a bike commercial. I of course said yes and soon after starting emailing back and forth with the commercial's agent. I sent her some pictures, my measurements, and then didn't hear back for a week. I figured they had given the part to somebody else.

Then out of nowhere I got a call from the agent last night saying that I had to go to a casting today at 2:3o. I, of course, figured it was for the bicycle commercial, so I found it really strange when she told me to bring a bikini to the casting. I thought, "how in the world do bikinis and bicycles go together?"

I showed up to the casting and realized I was the first person there. I knew they would take pictures of me (it's pretty standard during a commercial casting) but I was once again surprised when they asked me if I had brought my bikini.

I need to preface the next part by saying that I've gained some weight in my mid section (I gain weight like a dude) and I don't particularly feel comfortable in a bikini right now.

At this point, I asked them what a bicycle commercial had to do with a bikini and they looked at me like I was crazy. Apparently, my agent forgot to tell me that this was a different casting for an online computer game and I was auditioning for the part of those hot sexy gaming characters that wear sexy outfits and show off their toned bodies. This specific character was a sexy kick-boxer type.

Needless to say, my mouth fell to ground. But I was already there, and I had to suck it up and swallow my feelings of embarrassment. So, I put on my bikini and got under super ultra-violet lights that pointed out all the flaws on my body and made me feel even more self-conscious.

The photographer starting shooting. My thoughts were: Suck in the belly, smile real big, smize (like Tyra taught me, ha!), think of the 20,000 NT paycheck,  and this will be over in no time. And for the first few minutes, I rocked the photoshoot. But then, he asked me to start kicking and boxing and playing the role of a fierce boxer...all while still wearing the bikini! Um...what? 

So, I did what I was asked. I punched the air, I kicked with all my might, and I even gave them fierce looks that I think Tyra would be proud of. But THEN, oh man, the worse part happened. Three beautiful models walked into the casting. They were super tall, SUPER skinny, and came fully prepared with sexy high heels and those gel pads that you put into your bikini top that make flat boobies look like curvy C cups. Not only were they super intimidating, but at that very moment the photographer said, "i'm going to shoot a video of you now and I need you start dancing!" Um......WHAT? DANCING? In my bikini? And NO MUSIC? Huuuhhh?

It was one of those mements that I wish I had video of this video to show everyone I know. Yes, it would be incredibly embarrassing, but I think I could win the grand prize on America's Funniest Home Videos. So, I started dancing...in my bikini...with no music...and three gorgeous professional models (and 2 other agents) watching me. Then the photographer says that I'm dancing too sexy (on a positive note: at least SOMEONE in the room thought I looked sexy, right? haha) He said he wanted more free-motion "let-loose" type dancing. Oh man, you should have seen me then. It was one of those "be like a tree" kind of movements where I just did crazy hippie girl dancing cause I had no idea what else to do. I was almost tempted to whip out my robot moves, but I thought that would ruin my chances even more.

After the mortification was over, I sat there watching the 2 of the 3 models with their perfect bodies do their boxing moves and dancing. But although their bodies and poses were pretty spectacular, they had no rythym and no athletic capabilities whatsoever. Watching them pretend to box was like watching a baby pigeon pretending to roar like a lion. Yeah, doesn't add up right? That's how I felt too.

So that, my lovely friends and readers, was just another day in the life of a crazy foreigner in Taiwan. Hope you had a giggle at my expense. Happy Thursday. And Happy Birthday to my Daddy!

the mcdonalds incident

First, I have to preface this post by saying that weird shit always happens to me. And according to my friend Jonathan, I need to write an autobiography of my crazy life. Maybe one day.

So today, I was having a strong craving for greasy McDonald's food. And being the fat kid I am from time to time, I decided that one chicken nugget meal was not enough so I ordered a cheeseburger on top of that (yep, I was hungry!). But of course, halfway through my meal I realized it was too much food and only hate half of my chicken nuggets.

Later, as I was reading a book and digesting, I noticed this weird guy sitting about 15 feet in front of me. I couldn't tell if he was crazy, disabled, or possibly drunk...all I knew is that he gave me the heeby jeebies. I had my laptop out and although I trust Taiwanese people (when I leave my things unattended) I had a bad feeling about this random dude.

Later, when I had to get up to go to the bathroom, I noticed the strange dude walking in the direction of my table as I walked away from it. Initially, I thought it was my laptop he wanted. But then out of nowhere, he grabbed my drink and drank every last drop of my coke. I was shocked, but before I had time to react, he grabbed my last 2 chicken nuggets and devoured them in one mouthful, even stopping to dip them in the delicious sweet and sour sauce.

I honestly couldn't believe that it was happening. I walked back to my table and he took off running. I grabbed my empty drink and empty box of nuggets and laughed all the way to the trash can. I kept thinking how I'm happy I saw him take sips of my drink because it would have been so gross to unknowingly take a sip from the same straw that this odd man used.

I called Manuel and he laughed so hard that I'm pretty sure he had to leave his cubicle in order to not cause a scene in his office. And that, my friends, was my atypical monday afternoon. I know I joke or casually talk about writing a book, but I hope that I do one day. Even if it never gets published, it would be an awesome (and humourous) memoir to have for my own records.

xiangyixiang

How I'm feeling lately:

• Emotional
• Transitional
• Undecided
• Unattractive
• Doubtful
• Indecisive
• Unmotivated
• Pensive

But for every negative feeling listed, I've also been feeling a long list of happy thoughts. I feel like I'm in a strange, but good place in my life. Where good and bad are colliding and my decisions regarding my future change daily and at a rate that even I can't keep up with.

But it's Friday. And I'm sitting at a coffee shop drinking overpriced coffee (that I didn't even finish drinking because I could already feel the cellulite forming on my thighs by just looking at its creamy goodness). I'm writing emails, applying to countless jobs, and daydreaming. And dreading the serious talk I'm forcing myself to have this weekend with the boy. Hoping for the best and staying positive.

blurry happiness and goodbyes

I love this picture. The goofy smiles. The silly faces. The way that Luis is strangling Brodie. A simple memory from Saturday night at Luxy.

Last night we all made it back to Luxy yet again, but this time to say farewell to one of my bestest friends. Tania is heading back to Mexico on Saturday and I honestly don't know what I'm going to do without her. I've already lost two other girlfriends this year (Clare and Maria) and now she'll be the third to leave. Then, Sarah leaves on Monday, which only leaves me Karolina. Slowly but surely, everyone is starting to leave this island. This, of course, has made me reanalyze why I'm the crazy one who wants to stay here. I'm gaining new perspectives, making tough decisions, and diggng real deep to find what I want and what I don't want.

And during the most perfect farewell conversation with Tania last night at 4am over delicious dumplings, she spoke some wise words that I can't stop thinking about. She said "You are the one who ultimately decides when enough is enough. Decide what you want, make a list if you have to, and just make it happen."

On a side note, I have this sudden urge to write today. I have a need to document this transitional period. To reflect on some thoughts, some findings, and some revelations. I want to remember these moments because they are the moments that foster growth, fear, and change. And I know that writing things down will help me analyze all these crazy back-and-forth feelings I'm having.

valentine's day

I can't remember the last time I celebrated Valentine's Day and did all that super mushy romantic stuff. I tend to think it's an overrated and corny holiday but for some reason I'm really feeling the simple joy of Valentine's Day this year. I don't have any plans per se, but I do know that it will be simple and heartfelt.

I've had a lot on my mind lately. And I've been super emotional. Just last night this elderly couple  was tap-dancing on some dance show and I started crying because I was so impressed with their spirit and love of dance at the age of 67. And then after moving into my new place this weekend, I started crying cause I realized it might be a while before I get to move into a place that will truly feel like my own. Such silly reasons to cry, I know. But I guess I'm just feeling overwhelmed with all the uncertainties in my life and dreaming of security and long-term plans.

For now, I will just take each day as it comes and do my best to stay productive and positive. Happy Valentine's Day everyone. 

the week that is flying by

I cannot believe it's already Thursday. And it's already the 1oth? This year is flying!

But the good news is that I'm done with the FSOT exam. Unfortunately, it was a little harder than I thought. I prepared a lot, however, some questions really came from left field. The bad thing is I'm usually a bad guesser. Even if I can narrow it down to 2 answers, I tend to guess incorrectly. The easiest part of the exam was the part I thought would be the hardest - the english grammar part. And I totally bombed one of the 2 essays. I'm not sure if I passed (and I won't find out for about 4 weeks)  but I'm happy I at least tried. Worse case scenerio is that I take it again in one year.

In other news, today is a big day. It's my last day in my beloved Wanlong apartment. Yep, you heard right...I'm moving. Temporarily, really. I'm doing it to save some cash for my (possible) last two months in Taipei. But man oh man do I have a lot of SHIT. Scrapbooking stuff, my sewing machine, fabric galore, two suitcases full of clothes, so many random books, two printers, pots, pans, and everything in between. I was going to hire a mover but I never got around to it. Oh and did I mention I live on the 6th floor and my new place is on the 5th floor - ALL with no elevators! Yep, I'm seriously crazy. Be back  once I'm all moved in.

first day back

Today

• I had some great talks with family and friends
• Finally got to see and catch up with Toby after two long weeks
• Sold some of my Harry Potter books and I'm already regretting it
• Packed up one suitcase of clothes and donated some others
• Studied for my FSOT test, both in bed and at my favorite cafe
• I'm thankful for sunny weather - it reminded me to stay positive

JiaoXi

We went on a little road trip yesterday to a small town called JiaoXi. We rented a scooter (who I named Jack), went on a scenic hike to find the famous five layer waterfall, ate delicious local delicacies, and ended the day with a relaxing dip in hot springs. It was a very typical Taiwanese vacation and I loved every second of it. I love getting out of Taipei, even if its just for a day.  A change of scenery is always good for the soul.

It's Sunday now and my Chinese New Years vacation is coming to an end. I did a lot of relaxing, yet a lot of studying too. I can't believe this is my THIRD Chinese New Years here in Taiwan. I wonder if this will be my last.

happy chinese new years!

Happy Year of the Rabbit. Today begins a new day in the Lunar Calendar. For some reason, I am really feeling the influence of the Chinese New Year this year. It really does feel like a new beginning and a time to start again. I wish you all a happy, healthy, and prosperious year of the rabbit. May your dreams and accomplishments multiply as quickly as bunnies do! ;)

the first of feb

I'm sitting in a cafe called My Cutie Pie that specializes in sweet treats and apparently super uncomfortable chairs. My back is killing me and I've barely been here for 2 hours. And my rasberry cheesecake tastes too much like cream cheese than rasberry anything. What a disappointment!

I have no desire to study for this damn FSOT exam. It's going to be harder that I originally thought. It's not the government, us history, politics, foreign policy, and/or geography questions that scare me. It's the English grammar ones that I detest. I want to fall asleep every time I try to study them. But I only have 9 more days before the test, so like them or not, I have to study them.

Today is somewhat like Friday. Chinese New Years break starts tomorrow and I fear that its going to be hard to stay productive when the city shuts down for the next few days. Stores close, restaurants will close, my beloved gym will close, and I'll have no lovely cafes to study in for a few days. As much as I'm looking forward to a break, I'm actually dreading the break from reality. But I'm hopeful that once the Year of the Rabbit starts up that my luck will improve with each new day.

Goals for Chinese New Years:

• Not to sleep in too much
• Study for the FSOT every single day
• Clean my apartment - pack it up
• Workout at home at least twice this week
• Get halfway through my current book
• Get artsy and creative at least ONCE