ode to lovely

Sometimes, I forget I have an instax camera. I've had it for almost 2 years now and hardly ever play with it. So, my new goal is to take a picture a day in the month of July. I started a few days early. Love my little camera but just wish the film wasn't so expensive. Happy Wednesday.

From left to right.

1. Dressed up for 60s party

2. Manuel rocking my purple sweatband.

3. Blue peacock headband day.

bring it back

My friend Lisa (bottom right) had a 60s inspired birthday party. But people showed up from all decades, 50s 60s 70s and even 80s. The photographer from her birthday party took a liking to me and asked if he could shoot me. I, of course, said yes, and I spent an entire day with him playing dress up and being his model. It was awesome! And after watching every season of ANTM, and practicing in the mirror, I rocked it out.  So thank you Tyra banks for teaching me to Smize. I'll post the pictures once I get them.

"um, i mean, i just don't get it"

I don't understand:

• Why my tv has to blow up precisely during the world cup. I told my landlord about the problem and his suggestion: ask your neighbors to watch the WC on their tv. My response: Yeah I'm sure they will let some stranger in at 2:30 in the morning, who screams at the tv, and curses in spanish, and will do this until about 4:30 in the morning.
• Why people only have one child. I understand that some families try to have more, but can't. That's different. Or for financial reasons, I get that too. It's the ones who plan to have only one that confuse me. There is nothing more amazing than the bond of brothers and sisters. And trust me, I've dated a few only children in my life and they all seem a little self-centered, selfish, and just slightly different.
• Why the box of hair color says "dark mahogany brown" but my hair came out looking black. I look like Elvira, especially since I wore all black yesterday. But I got a lot of compliments, so maybe I'll keep it black for a while. 
• Why people think it is ok to force their religious beliefs on you. I believe religion is a touchy subject and everyone should keep their opinions to themselves. I just had a horrible experience of a girl trying to convert me to Christianity. I want to share it, but I'm scared I may offend some people.

officially done

Finished my last exam at 11:47am today. I don't even remember getting on the bus to come home. I just remember waking up around 4pm thinking, this shit is finally over. No more sleepless nights. No more 3am study dates in the lounge. No more studying for worthless finals.

I think I failed my last exam, but I am hoping the professor curves it. And I'm also trying really hard not to think about it, because i'm in celebration mode now! I'm gonna spend the entire weekend with a beer in my hand, a world cup game on the tv, and not a care in the effin world! I am going to spend the 2.5 weeks sleeping in, yet being productive. Working out, yet being lazy. And traveling, but without an itinerary. I'm gonna soak in and enjoy every single minute with my favorite partner in crime: the stallion. I'm going to go shopping, even though I don't have money. And I'm gonna spend the next 2.5 weeks not worrying about a thing, scooting around town,  living in the moment, and just being free of responsibilities. I know I am super excited to leave on July 11, but I know I will also be sad to say goodbye to this student life of mine. I mean, who's gonna scream "do your work!" to me now? I guess I'll have to make myself a sign and carry it around with me for when it comes time to write my thesis. Ha!

two down, two to go

Just finished exam#2 and it was a breeze. That was the first time in a LONG time that I thought an exam was easy. The one tomorrow shouldn't be too bad, it's the one on Thursday that is going to kick my ass. But hey, only two more exams and this semester will be a thing of the past. And then in 2.5 weeks, I'll be home and super far away from this place. Free of responsibilities, and I'll have time to sit back and think about the next steps in my life. Whether to come back to Taiwan, or move to China, or just move back to the States. I'm leaning towards a move to Shanghai, but we'll see. This all depends on job possibilities and of course, salaries. I'll go where the money is, because after 2 years of unemployment, money is what i need! Just gotta get through this week. 2 more days. Two. More. Days.

too tired to show my eyes, so i will show you my peacock headband instead

Here again. Nearly 1am, and still in the study lounge. Finished a paper today. Now working on finance. Tired out of my mind. Red, blood-shot eyes. Frizzy hair from the horrible humidity. And just ready for this semester to hurry up and end on Thursday.

Today was a day full of tears. Tears of frustrations mostly. With some sadness tears mixed in there too. And some "if i do one more finance problem i am going to jump from taipei 101" tears. Luckily, a good friend took me out for a nice steak dinner and talked me down from the proverbial ledge. If I haven't said it enough, if it weren't for my friends here in Taipei, I would have been long gone from this place months ago.

turning girls into women

When Matt and I started dating, back in May of 2005, I was just a girl. A girl, who had just spent 6 months abroad, discovering herself and realizing what its like to live on your own for the first time. I had just scored my very first grown up job, making more money that I had ever dreamed at age 23. I was just starting out. Young, fresh, vibrant, full of life, but still selfish and slightly immature.

Matt was older. He had lived on his own already. He was already on his 3rd grown up job. He was in a different place in his life. He was older. He was ready for a more grown-up relationship. We were totally different places in our lives. Of course, I see this now, and not then.

He wanted our relationship to move fast. But I still wanted to be a girl. To casually date. To enjoy my early 20s. To travel. To live in the moment. And to not worry about the future.

But he was a planner. He wanted to plan our future. Our life together. And I was too naive to see that at the time. I thought I was dating a boy. He always thought he was dating his future wife.

By the time I had grown up, and was ready to plan a future with him, I think he was tired of making me into a responsible, respectable, and strong woman. Looking back, this was his biggest contribution to my life: he made me a better person, and helped turn a girl into a woman. 

At times, I still feel sad that it didn't work out for us. He had his flaws, like any man, but underneath it all, he is one of the funniest, smartest, and most honest people I have ever met. Had the Natalie of today met the Matt from May 2005, I think it could have been magical. But that's not how life works, now is it? He's changed a lot too, and I don't really like the person he has become (hence why we didn't work out).

I have no clue why I'm sharing this now. But maybe, somewhere out there, someone can relate to this. Or maybe, I just wanted to speak up and tell my story.

don't judge me

It's Friday night. 10pm. Just finished watching the Germany-Serbia game. But now I'm back in our MBA study lounge. All alone. Ready to get some work done. I figured, if I can watch soccer until 430am (like I did last night with the amazing Mexico game!), then I should be able to do homework and papers until that late too. Logically, that makes sense. Let's see how long I last here. 

And yes, I'm wearing the same exact outfit from yesterday. Same necklace too. But I did change my underwear. Don't judge me. It's been a looooong few days.

found: cool study place

A friend of mine introduced me to the cafe (where i'm sitting right now) that overlooks the city and the mountains. It costs about $1.50/hour but that includes coffee, tea, water, juice, and soda. I like it here cause its cozy. Big couches, big tables to work on, and of course free internet. It kinda reminds me Barnes and Noble, but in a Taiwanese style. I bought the membership card today, so it looks like I'll be coming here more often.

Other great things for today:

• I found my favorite KEYS necklace.
• I love days when I wear white.
• I'm rocking high heels. Also white.
• I straightened my hair.
• Argentina plays tonight against S.Korea.
• I have an immaculately clean room.

seven more 天

random thoughts for thursday june 17

• i think argentina is going to go very far the world cup. they reminded me of graceful ballerinas on the field. their passing skills are effing amazing.
• my boobs have been looking bigger for a month now. i think it may be a late 28th birthday present from god. its about time he gives me some boobs...considering i've been wanting boobs since about 5th grade. true story.
• 7 days and school will be over. i hope i can pass international finance.
• i can't wait to go shopping before going home. i want to stock up on asian inspired clothes. ripped up leggings. oversized shirts. flat funky sandals. crazy jewelry. my closet needs an asian inspired makeover.
• i have a stong desire to put on my fake eyelashes today.
• i am going to make guacamole tonight.
• this will be the last weekend that I spend studying for tests, probably the last time in my life. THAT, my friends, is a GREAT thought.
• Happy My Favorite Day of the Week to you!

i'm tired

what i need to do:

• study for two really difficult finance tests
• write 3 looong ass papers
• attend tedious group meetings
• prepare for presentation on Generation Y tomorrow
• study for my international business strategy test
• study for my information management test

what i want to do:

• plan a mini vacation in asia
• sit in bed and read a non-school related book
• stay at home, alone, on a friday night
• pack up my things to free up space in my small room
• scoot around town without a purpose
• get a massage, preferably at Sakura
• have time to read the news more often
• have a celebratory party when the semester ends

9 more days people. 9 more, and then FREEDOM. Let's hope I pass everything so that I don't have to come back next semester for only ONE class. Man, that would suck. Cheers.

farewell typewriter, farewell matthew

Today, I gave back the typewriter that matthew's mom had let me borrow the last 3+ years. It's been such a part of my artistic work in the past that I'm sad to see it go, BUT, it also makes me feel like this was the last part of matthew that was hanging on in my life, and now finally, it is gone. I gave it back this morning, and with that, I know I may never see him again. And frankly, I'm ok with that.

If its one thing i've learned since my breakup is that's its important to LET GO. To stop living in the past, and to stop hanging on to the what ifs, and the should have, could have, would haves, and to just simply MOVE ON. He was such an important person in my life at one point. I grew, I learned, and I became a better person while with him...and for that I am eternally grateful. But our story has ended, and we have gone different ways, and I hope I never see him again. I may change my mind one day, but I truly doubt it. I want my new life to be free of my exes, free of my past, and free of my mistakes. So, today, my friends, marks a very important day. The start of my new life, truly and 100% without my ex. I will celebrate by going to watch the opening game of the World Cup. Happy Friday!

graduation + 2 year anniversary

Saturday, I woke up bright and early, put a dress on, grabbed the Nikon, and went to take picture of Clare and Manuel's graduation. Afterward, we went to Gordon Biersch to celebrate, and in part, I was also celebrating my two year anniversary of arriving in Taipei. I seriously cannot believe it's been TWO years. Two years of living far away from my home, my comforts, my parents, my siblings, my friends, and my world.

I am a completely different person now than I was two years ago. I feel more confident, smarter, wiser, braver, quirkier, and stronger. I appreciate the things I have so much more than I did when I lived back in the States. I have a few more wrinkles, and a few more gray hairs, but I also have this amazing and invaluable experience that I know will open new doors for me in the future. Its been tough at times, but lets face it, life is hard  regardless of where you may live. The important thing is to always keep moving forward, and I think I have done that to the best of my ability.

I have no clue how much longer I'll be living in Taiwan. My plan is to go home for summer and then come back and quickly finish up my thesis and graduate. I probably won't attend a ceremony like the one above, because I hope to be somewhere else by next June, but then again, you never know. I guess only time will tell. For now, I'm just happy I've survived this long.

unity dinner

Got all dressed up on Sunday for a dinner to bid farewell to this year's mba grads. I wore my pink girly dress that I picked up in Korea last year. I sat at what I call the "cool" table because we snuck in 4 bottle of liquor and everyone kept coming to our table to hang with us, because obviously, we had the goods. After dinner, we headed to a lounge bar nearby where the party continued to the wee hours of the morning, on a Sunday night mind you. It was the perfect ending to a pretty awesome weekend. Most importantly, while looking through pictures I noticed that I genuinely look happy and that my friends, is a HUGE accomplishment. Cheers to that!

let your hair down

BEST. WEEKEND. EVER. It was graduation weekend for the 2nd year MBAs and I spent the entire weekend taking pictures, eating delicious food, and having a silly good time with great friends. I dressed up all weekend and even curled my hair for our Unity Dinner tonight. And...I celebrated my two year anniversary of arriving to Taiwan on Saturday. More thoughts on that later. Its 4am and I need sleep. Goodnight.

I am happy today. About life. About commitments. About the possibilities. About the future. About how good things are around the corner. My best friend Stacey called me yesterday and said some things that really gave me hope. She makes me so happy and so hopeful that great things are coming my way. So thank you Stacey for inspiring me to keep on keeping on. Happy Friday!

feeling lucky

Today, I felt very lucky to have the life I do. I may not be entirely happy with my MBA program, but I do have to say, it has been quite an interesting ride. I feel lucky to be getting my degree in a country outside of the US. Where I can exchange ideas with people from around the world, with different points of views, with different cultural values, and with perspectives that are fresh and new to me. My classmates are so goddamn smart and they really inspire me to learn and grow (sadly, prob more than my teachers do). They are driven, well traveled, well read, and just overall intelligent people who make me want to do more, read more, travel more, learn more, and just BE more. Plus, I'm also SO INCREDIBLY LUCKY to have an amazing support system, who encourage my crazy ways, and my crazy decision to stick out this journey. I could have never done this without my parents, who also inspire the living hell out of me. They are an ideal story of how hard work, determination, sweat and tears can get you very far in life. So, today, in true dork fashion, I made them a little dorky card to thank them.

I think they will like it. And they will definitely appreciate my total geekness. Ha!

geeky geeks

We had a professional photographer come in last week to take fancy picture of us. These are some of my favorite shots from the day.