ode to lovely

guess who came to visit!?!?!

I'm the happiest girl in the world right now. I've begged him to take me back to Taiwan with him. Let's see if we can make this happen. ;)

just breathe

It's 5:35am and I'm at work. For the second day in a row. 

Work has been incredibly busy and the pressure is unreal.

I'm working on assignments for 4 different specialists, and now have been put on a high priority assignment for the President of the Bank.

On one hand, I absolutely love the exposure. I've met with some incredibly high level people from all around the world and within my own organization.

But on the other hand, I always think back on: "how did I end up here?" 

I miss Taiwan and my life out there more than I could ever put into words. I tell people every single day how much I miss it, but no one could ever truly fathom what I really feel on the inside. Every single morning when I wake up, my FIRST thought is always something related to Taiwan. Always. And no matter how busy my days get (and trust me, they've been ridiculous) I think about getting on the next plane out of here all day long. 

And as the pressure and amount of stress and work amounts, I always think about running away - back to where my heart is. But for now, I have to take it one day at a time. And work my 12 hour days as if they're no big deal. And prove myself at this job and show them that I'm pretty bad ass when I put my mind to something. And just like my boss said, when she came into my office yesterday and realized the amount of work I have to do, I have to remember to just breathe. 

the end of the 4th week

Four weeks. That's how long I've been at this new job. It feels like longer though. Probably because I haven't stopped moving since I arrived. It's crazy to think about how much I've learned and accomplished since my first day. But although I'm happy here I'm always dreaming of ways to get back to where my heart wants to be. I miss speaking Chinese. I miss the adventure. I miss my scooter. I miss the chaos. I miss the tea shops on every corner. I miss shopping in the night markets. I miss coffee dates with Lourdes. I miss my kittens' kisses in the morning. I miss the freedom I felt there. And the list goes on. But the reason I don't go back is because I know that things will never be the way they were. And job-wise, it would be hard to find a similar situation to the one I have now. So, today I'm thankful for surviving the last 4 weeks. And for doing it with a cara feliz (happy face). There have been a lot fewer tears in the last few weeks and for that I'm thankful. Happy Firday!

a work update

I feel like I need to take a moment to reflect on the last 3 weeks. 

First of all, that fancy shmancy office you see in the pic....well that's all mine! It needs some artwork and also a plant but at least I have a door that I can shut it whenever my little heart feels like it. Most of the time I close it when I want to make important phone calls, or want to work without interruptions. But do you want to know my favorite use of the privacy door so far? .... DANCE PARTIES! Yeah that's right. I close the door, turn on Pandora, and rock out to some classic dance hits to get me through those long afternoons.

Aside from the casual dance sesh, I've been working my pretty little ass off at work. Some of its mindless monkey work, but most of it is actually really interesting. I'm working 10-11 hour days but I'm also making excellent contacts and learning the ins and outs of the Bank. I'm actually quite content with my decision to give the IDB another chance because it is proving to be a great experience thus far. I'm happy I decided to stay in DC for another 6 month trial period. My heart is still set on returning to Asia, but for now, this is probably what I need right now. A good job, a new beginning, and a much more positive attitude. 

what a difference one week can make

One week ago I was bitching that I hated my job because I had no work to do. And now this week I have my own office, a brand new boss, more work than I know how to manage, and a pretty new blazer that makes me feel powerful and unstoppable. What a difference one week can make!

most likely my last day of work until 2012

Hello world. I'm writing from my cubicle and this will most likely be my last day of work until 2012. You see, my boss is gone. And he's been gone all week. He just never had the courtesy to tell me that he, in fact, would be gone. So, ladies and gentlemen: I am boycotting work until 2012. And for the first time in a really long time, I feel JOY.

The last few weeks/months have been tough. Really, really tough. And I know there will still be some tough days ahead. I am not in the Christmas spirit, I am dreading my 30th birthday, and most of all, New Years is a day I abhor and dread every single year. But once I mentally prepare myself for what lies ahead, I know I will be able to regain the strength needed to push forward and get over all the crap. Luckily, I have the best family in the world and they've been providing the necessary comfort and support that I need to get myself out of bed every morning. 

Today, my support came from my oh-so-adorable dad, who carpooled to work with me. You should have seen his face this morning as we, father and daughter, walked into the same office together, took the same elevator, and walked to our respective working areas. I went straight to my cube to start my daily routine of doing nothing - yay! And he ran off to attend a very important meeting of the IDB Retired Association, where he is currently holding the very important position of Secretariat. Go dad! 

So, the moral of my story is: My dad is awesome. So is my mom. And my sister. And my brother. And my cousins and aunts and uncles too. And although it feels like I've lost EVERYTHING I have worked hard for, I know that I have the one thing that is the most valuable of all: An amazing family. 

So yep. No work until 2012. And here's to starting over. One day at a time. 

the way things are

Ok people. I am back for a quick second to say hello and happy December.

But I am not sure when I will find the time or energy to post again.

To tell you the absolute truth, I am not doing so well. Adjusting to life at home has been harder than expected and I'm just not handling all the ups and downs very well. I am straight-up NOT happy and find myself in one of the worst ruts of my life. I keep looking back on all the obstacles I have had to overcome in the last few years and yet, even through my darkest of days, I have never felt the way I do right now. The problem is I that lack motivation and giving up sounds so much easier than pushing forward. 

But that is so NOT me. I have to keep remembering that I am not a quitter. I, my friends, am actually the biggest fighter of all time. Because lets remember that if I had not fought and pushed forward during all my uphill battles of the last 3.5 years, I would have NEVER survived all the shit experiences that came at me in Taiwan. So, I have to keep reminding myself that this crappy time is only temporary and one day (hopefully soon) I will find the strength to fight again.

But for right now, I have to take a break from it all and focus on myself and no one else. 

I have been part of a pair, a duo, a couple, a pareja, a team, for I swear the last decade. Yep, FOREVER. So time to work on me and only me. Selfish you say? YES, totally selfish. And I hate selfishness. With a passion. But, it just has to be done. 

But in the meantime I will leave you with two things that I currently love. That way this post isn't completely negative and gloomy. So here goes:

One. This top coat is a BIG winner. Love it. Did my nails at work just now and I kid you not, 5 min later, I was typing away with no problems. LOVE. 

Two. This game has saved me. I am so addicted and I don't care. I love playing a few rounds before bedtime, and it also helped pass the time during my horrible jet-lag. Highly recommend.

things that i miss

• I miss blogging
• I miss having lots of friends nearby
• I miss feeling like I'm good at my job
• I miss my boyfriend and my kittens
• I miss Taiwan and my scooter
• I miss the feeling of security
• I miss the freedom I once had
• I miss working out regularly
• I miss having health insurance
• I miss studying and speaking Chinese
• I miss the feeling of being settled somewhere

happy halloween

Today, I started my fourth week of work. I can't believe how fast time is flying. 

Today, I was both happy and excited that year is coming to an end.

Today is actually the two year anniversary of my break-up with the ex. 

Today, I am having fun giving candy to the trick or treaters in my neighborhood.

Today, I made a list of things I want to accomplish before 2012.

Today, I cried when Manuel sent me flowers. I miss him so much it hurts.

Today, was a hard day, a day of a few tears, but tomorrow is going to be better.

the news

After being on a 3.5 year break from the real world, I find myself sitting in a cubicle from 9-5 all over again. I'm incredibly thankful for this opportunity and feel super lucky to have found a job as quickly and as smoothly as I did. 

But, I have to be honest. It's been a hard transition. I'm not used to being confined to a desk for 9 hours a day. And I'm not used to commuting for long periods of time and paying exorbitant prices for gas, parking, and metro. And what I dislike the most right now is how tired and lazy I feel once I finally get home from a long day at the office. But, like I told my mom, I just need some time to adjust. Starting over is never easy. 

The good news is that I feel like a productive member of society again. I'm also so thankful to be working in the heart of the city (just a few blocks from the White House) and around so many other young professionals. I'm excited about the projects I'll be working on and I have high hopes that some new friendship will be formed in the upcoming months. 

Now, I have to get myself to bed. My alarm is now set for 6:15am Mon-Fri. Sigh.

Oh and did you notice how they spelled my name wrong? 

missing my nanpengyou

I miss Manuel. So freaking much. Especially our fun nights out.

october 3rd

Today:

• I woke up at 5:00am and just started reading my current book in bed.
• I want to get my highlights fixed. They are way too brassy for my liking.
• I will go to the post office to send presents to my favorite friends in TW.
• I want to start redecorating my room. It needs to feel more like "young professional" and not the "highschool girl" feel that it has now.
• I will drink lots of hot tea because its freaking cold outside.
• I will go shopping for new shoes and new tops and new jeans.
• I will have lunch with a very old friend at one of my favorite restaurants.
• I am thankful for new opportunities and the hope that exists within them.

the last day of september

September was good month for me. It was a month where I had to make tough decisions, but I am pretty certain that coming home was the right choice. I've been so happy at home. And this is the first time I can say that visiting home has been truly a happy and positive experience. 

On the other hand, it's been really hard being away from Manuel. Our Skype dates help us get us through the days, but the hardest part is not knowing when we're going to see each other again. It could be 3 weeks, it could be 3 months. Only time (and my job situation) will tell.

September was a month that I took a much-needed blog break. I wanted to come home and enjoy home without the pressures of having to talk about my daily outings and random thoughts. I wanted to take a break from everything and blogging was at the top of that list.

September was also a month that I started being crafty again. And man did that feel good. And can I get a HELL YEAH for new scrap supplies!?!?! Woo! 

I also started running again on a regular basis. Even though I'd go running in Taiwan, the weather prohibited me from going as much as I would have liked. And even though its been rainy here in the DC area, I'm proud to say that I run 3-4 times a week. Part of is good motivation. And part of it I can attribute to my new running shoes. 

September was great. But now I have high hopes for October. I think its going to be twice as great. I have a good feeling about what the future brings. 

time for myself

One of the best things about being home is having a lot of time to do the things that I never found time for back in Taiwan. One of which, is being able to go on morning runs. The other thing is making the time to play with paper + glue.

Here are two of my recent favorites:

And this one is for Dare 183. 

There are a few more pages in my Made in Taiwan Album if you're interested. 

welcome back party

My mom and dad threw me a Welcome Back to the US party last night. It was mostly family, but that's the way I wanted it to be. My dad made this AMAZING dish called Fidua, which is like Paella, but only with noodles instead of rice. Words really can't express how tasty it was. And it was HUGE!! We had 14 people over last night, everyone had seconds, and we still have HALF of it left.

Look how big it is:

In other news, I just finished working on a 6 hour application to a job with the State Department. They ask you so many damn questions and after the first 3 hours, they all started sounding the same. I probably shouldn't have waited to work on it until the closing date, but you know me, Queen of Procrastination. Let's see if I even get a call-back. More later. Now, it's time to get out of my pajamas and enjoy the rest of the day. 

it was a good week

I took a 1-week blog break because apparently I really needed it. I didn't do it on purpose, it just happened that way. And it was an absolutely wonderful and relaxing week, full of family hugs, sisterly bonding, delicious food, exercising outside, good friends, and at least 6 different visits to Target. 

I thought I didn't want to come home but boy was I wrong. Home = awesome. Being here has put things in perspective and has opened my eyes to a world that I had been avoiding for quite some time. I guess I just didn't want to come home to what didn't feel normal to me anymore. 

But, to tell you the truth, I've been really happy the last few days. It feels safe and peaceful and relaxing and comforting. I do miss Taiwan a lot, and Manuel and my kittens even more. But the one thing that I need perhaps the most right now in my life is security. And unfortunately, that is the ONE thing that Taiwan can not provide me at the moment. So, should I stay and feel safe and secure (and perhaps eventually bored)? Or should I go back and continue my adventure but at the risk of never finding security? The answer will come to me eventually. But for now, I'm just enjoying the time I have here and working my ass off to find a job that can sustain me in the near future.