What a hectic, crazy, stressful, tearful, painful, and chaotic few days.
Here's what has happened:
- I went in for a Lasik Consultation the other day and walked out with a Laser Retina Correction Surgery that supposedly was a "minor surgery" but turned out to hurt more than I thought.
- I've had to had very stressful and tearful talks with my boy about our future. It's going to kill me to have to leave him, but it's what has to be done. Our relationship has an unknown expiration date.
- I turned down that job in Shanghai. It wasn't the right fit for me and I knew it from the beginning. I feel sad that I had to say no, but I have no regret about doing so. When it's right, I'll know it.
- I've been hit with a wave of laziness and defeat. I don't feel like job searching anymore. I don't know how to motivate myself. I don't feel the fire under my ass and I have no clue how to feel it again. I thought a 1 week break would help, but it just made me even lazier.
- Lately, I feel exhausted and tired about my life out here. So much so that I went and bought packing boxes yesterday and started packing up my life. I even made a list of things I want to sell, things I want to buy before I go, and started purging some non-essential items around my house. As of yesterday, home was destination.
- I've realized too many choices are never a good thing. I have a plethora of choices and nothing tying me down to any particular location. One minute, Shanghai is where I want to be. The next it's Taipei. And then, when I sit and talk to my dad about life, retirement, savings, cost-of-living, salaries, etc....back in the US is where I want to be. I can't decide and I wish there was a clear cut answer. Nothing and no one is affecting my choice and the weight of this decision falls strictly on ME. It's too stressful to decide, especially knowing I will lose my best friend if I chose any option except Taiwan.
I wish I had really happy and positive things to report, but this week has just kicked me down and then stepped on me a few times too. But, it's Friday now, and a new week is just a few days away. Fresh start. And hopefully some motivation will creep back in soon.
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